Monday, September 17, 2007

Carrie Underwood used to have three nipples...

According to Wikipedia, American Idol Carrie Underwood was born with three nipples too.

Carrie Underwood said (sorry no link -- the YouTube video has been removed) in her first American Idol audition, when Paula wasn't present, that she had a third nipple but had it removed even though it just looked like a mole.

These celebrities and their body modification... sometimes they just take it too far. Sure, nip this, tuck that, pierce here here and here, but dammit, don't go cutting off your nipples! Pink (Bob Geldof in "The Wall") cut his nipple off with a disposable razor and look how things turned out for him. (Hint: they turned out badly. He lost his freakin' mind. So don't cut off your nipples, okay?)

Friday, September 14, 2007

DJ "accidentally" removes third nipple

A moment of silence, please, for an extra nipple that's gone to a better place...
Jo Whiley has gone under the knife to have a third nipple removed.

The BBC Radio 1 DJ thought she was having a large mole cut off near one of her breasts.

But she says she was shocked when her doctor told her it was actually a mini nipple reports The Sun.

She said: "My husband has nicknamed me Scaramanga, after the James Bond baddie who also had three. Strange. On Monday I had three nipples, today I've got two."
Oh my word, I feel for your loss. I'd imagine it's how a telepath would feel if they suddenly lost all their mental powers. I'm glad your husband is sticking by you, now that you've got one less nipple.

Be warned, though: sometimes people who've undergone amputations report feeling in their non-existent limbs... the "phantom limb" phenomena.

If you feel it perking up on a chilly day, just try to remember the good times. We're there for you.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Calling Dr. Bell... Look at all these extra nipples!

Alexander Graham Bell was ready to answer the call of science -- especially when the subject of superfluous nipples came up.

From the Science Vault of Shelley Batts:

The Multi-Nippled Sheep of Alexander Graham Bell
Some say that American science is defined by its innovation and creativity, and who better embodies that than Alexander Graham Bell? Inventor of the telephone (strike that, first patenter of it!), founding member of the National Geographic Society and the journal Science, Bell's list of accolades is long and prestigious. Although, perhaps a little-known fact about this man was that he was also quite preoccupied with the nipples of the sheep that lived on his estate. After noticing that some sheep had more than the average number of nipples, he attempted to systematically breed them to determine the genetic underpinnings of the extraneous nipples. Luckily this precious information was published in Science in 1904, entitled "The Multi-Nippled Sheep of Beinn Bhreagh."

Beinn Bhreagh was Bell's estate near the town of Baddeck, Nova Scotia. When he purchased the property, some sheep came along with it. Or as he put it "I found myself to be in possession of a flock of sheep; and in the spring of 1890, one half of the lambs born upon the place turned out to be twins."

This higher-than-normal percentage of twins seemed a bit odd to Bell, who being a curious person, decided to examine the mothers of the twins and compare them to the mothers who had single births. And he did find a difference.

"Upon examining the milk-bags of the sheep a peculiarity was observed that was thought might be significant. Normally sheep have only two nipples upon the milk bag, but in the case of several of the sheep examined, supernumerary nipples were discovered....."

Bell further saw that the extra nipples were not functional, although some had three or four nipples instead of just two. Furthermore, the sheep that had extra nipples seemed to be more likely to bear twins (43% vs 24% for the normally-nippled sheep.) So he thought it'd be fun to "make an extended set of experiments to ascertain 1) whether, by selective breeding, the extra nipples could be [made functional], and 2) whether ewes possessing four nipples instead of two" were more fertile and were more likely to have twins.

As to the first goal, Bell's breeding program eventually yielded five and six-nippled sheep (and he expected seeing even more nipples, even eight!) and at least four of the nipples were functional. And sadly, his second hypothesis as to the multi-nippled sheep being more fertile, was disproven. Although, he felt that this had to do with the small sample size and noted that twins born to the multi-nippled mothers gained more weight although they were born smaller than normal. His hope was to impart upon the flocks of America genes from his sheep for "twin-bearing stock [which] would do much to promote this important industry by enabling farmers to make a double profit..."

Well whether that was ever accomplished, the article doesn't say, but Bell did mention an offer of free pamphlets to any interested members of the academy.

Yes, Alexander Graham Bell, born in Scotland, emigated to Canada, moved to the United States, and moved back to his estate in Canada for his greatest work, breeding sheep with extra nipples. I'm sure that's how he would have wanted to be remembered.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Crazy Nipplephobes are on the march...

Fly, my pretties, go get that Ubermilf!

Clearly, she's part of the ultra-right-wing conspiracy against tolerance and acceptance of what's clearly the greatest issue facing humanity today: the right to have a superfluous nipple.

Having an extra nipple is not a choice we make -- we're born that way. Or at least the lucky ones are. Do you think we just wake up one day and say "Man, I think today I'll have three nipples?" Jiminy, no!

Here's part of her hatemongering...
God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Eve and Adam's Third Nipple. These people are not part of His plan. They shouldn't be able to adopt children, they shouldn't be allowed to teach children, and for goodness sakes, don't let them marry!
Save me Jeebus, from crazies like this. First of all, it hasn't been proven Adam and Eve DIDN'T have three nipples each... but it was probably only one of them. Someone had to pass that gene down to the rest of us. Eve, most likely, since hers always seem to be hidden by those leaves (what's she trying to hide?), but who's to say that some nipplephobe didn't airbrush Adam's extra nipple out of that painting on the Sistine Chapel? Dang revisionist painters...

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Zac Efron has FOUR nipples!

Man, it seems like the latest crop of celebrities is packed with extra nipples. And today we add another to our ranks...

Zac Efron, of High School Musical fame, has two superfluous nipples just below the regular two.

In this pic of his 2007 vacation to Hawaii with Vanessa Hudgens (only two nipples on her, as you may have seen in the news recently), he clearly has two symmetrical supernumerary nipples just below the other ones.

Man, those paparazzi with their telephoto digital cameras do serve their purpose. After all, greater image resolution means that we'll soon be seeing superfluous nipples EVERYWHERE!