Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tilda Swinton is a Witch and I Can Prove it!

"Big News in the World of The Superfluous Nipple!"

Tilda Swinton, star of The Deep End, Adaptation, Vanilla Sky, Constantine, Thumbsucker, and The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, talks about a previously undocumented use for her superfluous nipple.
"I've always been very proud of it. I've used it to threaten my brothers my entire life."

This quote leaves me wanting more: What, exactly did she threaten them with? And are her brothers in therapy?

This is the perfect strorm of three-nipple news. Just the other day I pointed out that it's less likely to find third nipples in the news as it is find them in real life and what happens? A stunning revelation from a major star of an upcoming Hollywood blockbuster.

Yes, Jadis, the White Witch of Narnia is played by an amazing actress who just happens to have the devil's mark of an extra nipple. They used to burn them for that, now they pay them outrageous salaries to entertain us. Now that's progress.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

The BBC Has Three Nipples! (Or Possibly Four)

I recently discovered a post about third nipples on one of the BBC's subdomains - a Wikipedia-style encyclopedia called h2g2, after the beloved Douglas Adams world of The Hitchhikers's Guide To The Galaxy.

While I am thrilled to discover another reference guide for the owners of superfluous nipples, I was disappointed to find no new information on it. I suppose the subject matter isn't exactly of earth-shattering importance, so it's nice to see supernumerary nipples represented at all. Props to the peeps.

Actually, the most interesting fact on the page is that the editor, who shall remain anonymous, claims to have four nipples. That's two extras!

I'm sure they don't mean to imply that Tripple Nipples are in any way inferior to "Quad-Nips," or we'd have to settle it somehow - say, a company softball game or something. Dare to dream...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The Nipples of the Devil

Are third nipples evil? Do superfluous nipples necessitate trafficking with the underworld? Apparently a lot of people used to think so. These days, I hope we're a little more enlightened.

The stats I read say that about one in 18 people has an extra nipple. That's someone in every class you've ever been in. I think that's pretty high, considering how avidly I keep track of things. Even considering that people with three nipples don't usually shout it from the rooftops (a trend which I hope to reverse) I'd still say it's closer to 1 in 50. Maybe I should stick a survey up on this site...

As far as evil goes, there's a link in the headline about "The Nipples of the Devil." I found a 15th century painting showing the tribulations of St. Anthony as he is beset by some devils. Yikes! Those crazy medieval painters and their wacky imaginations.

In the painting, there is one little devil with several extra nipples. Many more than three, as you can see. And they're not superfluous either! As we all know, a third nipple is used to nurse the devil's or witch's familiar. This guy must have a whole litter.

I've always felt special because of my three nipples. Now I just feel inadequate. Sigh.

Still, I got something out of this painting. When I first saw it, I thought it might have been Spanish in origin, and was thrilled to be able to call this post "Las Entrerroscas Del Diablo." I love the sound of that in Spanish. However, after tracking down this link I learned the painting was Belgian in origin, even though I still don't know the name of the painter. Belgian, eh? So in French and German, it's either "Les Mamelons Du Diable" or "Die Nippel Des Teufels." Sorry, no Flemish on Babel Fish.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Three-nippled DJ

Um, I suppose I should post this here. File it under "too damn freaky."

If you've ever wanted to see a short video about a disabled priest with three nipples working as a DJ, now you can. Just go here.


Thanks to Screenhead for this story.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Three Nipples For Everyone!

Do you have two nipples? Does it make you feel inadequate? At last, there is an answer. Just add a couple extras!

Nipple removal surgery is so passe - these days, all the cool kids are getting extras. Yes, the fine folks at Dr. Jonas Zizlesse's plastic surgery clinic are now offering Nipple Addition Surgery as a means of dealing with obesity.

As they say on the website, why diet, exercise, or undergo liposuction to keep off fat when "the female breast, so beloved of men, is really nothing but a bag of fat! Yes, the same stuff women work so hard to keep off of their thighs and behinds is what makes up the most attractive part of their anatomy!"

Thanks Dr. Nick! Er, I mean Dr. Zizlesse!

How's Dr. Zizlesse making out with this plan? I'm not sure, but in tiny print at the bottom of the page it says "You Are Visitor #5 to These Pages Since May 5, 1995." Of course, it says that every time I go there, but even so, it's not exactly looking like customers are beating down his door.

I particularly like some of the joke lines in the sales pitch: "Are you feeling gullible?" "If you answered anything to any of these questions, then CLICK HERE!!" The form at the end is pretty good too. If only this offer were true.